Ever had this happen to you? You are at a networking event and you are wishing someone would just stop talking and hear what you were really saying. It can be very frustrating when the person acts as though he knows what you do and then he talks about something that, at best, is tangential to your business. Maybe you had a conversation this week and you left feeling like you missed something really important. The "yakety-yak" hijacked the conversation in both situations.
Effective communication is really made up of two parts. One part is expressing the message and the other part is receiving the message. There is so much information about expressing ourselves that listening is often overlooked. We practice our elevator pitches. We hire marketing consultants to improve our message so it has the greatest amount of impact. However, one of the most underrated sales tools is listening.
The "yakety yak" of communication causes a disconnect between ourselves and the speaker. You know that saying that someone is just talking to hear themselves? Sometimes there is so much noise in our heads that it comes out of our mouths. This is a major handicap to developing solid business relationships with prospects, colleagues, and people of influence.
When we do not listen to the other person, we risk expressing unintended disrespect, arrogance, or preoccupation. In the business world, first impressions do create business opportunities. When we communicate thoughtfully and with consideration, we can pre-qualify prospects more accurately, discover commonalities, and receive invitations for future meetings. When you listen to others, you learn more and respond more appropriately.
To avoid the most common mistakes, here are three tips to help you stop your "yakety yak" and improve your listening skills.
• Stop thinking! Anticipating what the other person is saying is a recipe for not hearing what is actually said. Fran Lebowitz said, "The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting." This may be the most challenging part of communication. A lot of us can be perfectionists or want to be seen as experts so we set an expectation that we must have the "right" answer. This leads to hearing part of what someone is saying and we spend too much time having the conversation in our heads. We miss crucial messages and invitations to truly show our expertise.
To avoid this, focus only on what is being said. What words are being used? Wait to hear the whole thought. This enables you to give the person a response that fits and may even deepen the conversation.
• Reflect back what you heard (and didn’t hear). Not only do we have to pay attention to the words a speaker uses but we also have to notice the nonverbal part of communication. This is shown through the speaker’s tone of voice, facial expressions, hand movements, and posture. Sometimes a person says one thing verbally while saying another thing with her body language. This can be subtle or overt and noticing these details can limit misunderstandings and conflicts.
For example, is the person telling you that she is not upset with you but her arms and legs are crossed? You might be getting the message that the speaker is physically cold, anxious, or angry. In the workplace, this could mean the difference between closing a deal or continuing to struggle.
• Ask questions and encourage explanations. Avoid assuming you know what someone means. Frequently, people use the same words but not the same definitions. Ask open-ended questions using words such as "who, what, where, when, how, and why." Use the phrase, "tell me more" to encourage details. Yes and no questions are not useful as these will close the conversation prematurely. Many good salespeople will tell you that it is easier to close the sale when you clearly understand your prospects’ needs and desires.
Encourage the speaker to say more by facing him directly, nodding your head, and using an open posture (uncrossed arms and legs). Lean slightly into him, relax, and wait for the whole message. Asking pertinent questions about the speaker’s expertise both flatters the person and shows that you are fully engaged. Being heard is often equated with being seen. So many of us want to be recognized and validated.
Prevent the "yakety yak" from interfering with your business development. Remember to stop thinking about you. Keep an open and curious mind throughout the conversation. When you listen well, you will discover that people will consider you a fascinating person and they will want to do business with you. All you have to do is listen!
Effective communication is really made up of two parts. One part is expressing the message and the other part is receiving the message. There is so much information about expressing ourselves that listening is often overlooked. We practice our elevator pitches. We hire marketing consultants to improve our message so it has the greatest amount of impact. However, one of the most underrated sales tools is listening.
The "yakety yak" of communication causes a disconnect between ourselves and the speaker. You know that saying that someone is just talking to hear themselves? Sometimes there is so much noise in our heads that it comes out of our mouths. This is a major handicap to developing solid business relationships with prospects, colleagues, and people of influence.
When we do not listen to the other person, we risk expressing unintended disrespect, arrogance, or preoccupation. In the business world, first impressions do create business opportunities. When we communicate thoughtfully and with consideration, we can pre-qualify prospects more accurately, discover commonalities, and receive invitations for future meetings. When you listen to others, you learn more and respond more appropriately.
To avoid the most common mistakes, here are three tips to help you stop your "yakety yak" and improve your listening skills.
• Stop thinking! Anticipating what the other person is saying is a recipe for not hearing what is actually said. Fran Lebowitz said, "The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting." This may be the most challenging part of communication. A lot of us can be perfectionists or want to be seen as experts so we set an expectation that we must have the "right" answer. This leads to hearing part of what someone is saying and we spend too much time having the conversation in our heads. We miss crucial messages and invitations to truly show our expertise.
To avoid this, focus only on what is being said. What words are being used? Wait to hear the whole thought. This enables you to give the person a response that fits and may even deepen the conversation.
• Reflect back what you heard (and didn’t hear). Not only do we have to pay attention to the words a speaker uses but we also have to notice the nonverbal part of communication. This is shown through the speaker’s tone of voice, facial expressions, hand movements, and posture. Sometimes a person says one thing verbally while saying another thing with her body language. This can be subtle or overt and noticing these details can limit misunderstandings and conflicts.
For example, is the person telling you that she is not upset with you but her arms and legs are crossed? You might be getting the message that the speaker is physically cold, anxious, or angry. In the workplace, this could mean the difference between closing a deal or continuing to struggle.
• Ask questions and encourage explanations. Avoid assuming you know what someone means. Frequently, people use the same words but not the same definitions. Ask open-ended questions using words such as "who, what, where, when, how, and why." Use the phrase, "tell me more" to encourage details. Yes and no questions are not useful as these will close the conversation prematurely. Many good salespeople will tell you that it is easier to close the sale when you clearly understand your prospects’ needs and desires.
Encourage the speaker to say more by facing him directly, nodding your head, and using an open posture (uncrossed arms and legs). Lean slightly into him, relax, and wait for the whole message. Asking pertinent questions about the speaker’s expertise both flatters the person and shows that you are fully engaged. Being heard is often equated with being seen. So many of us want to be recognized and validated.
Prevent the "yakety yak" from interfering with your business development. Remember to stop thinking about you. Keep an open and curious mind throughout the conversation. When you listen well, you will discover that people will consider you a fascinating person and they will want to do business with you. All you have to do is listen!
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